FREE Advice !
#1. PATIENCE, PATIENCE!
When hanging out here, if you are not greeted within 2 minutes, then you’ll be greeted within 3 or 4. We do our best to be prompt, but service times will vary with business volume, so just pull that big stick out of your butt. Try to relax, have fun and enjoy the experience. It’ll be good for you.
#2. LET US HELP!
Don’t ever come in here and start moving the furniture around like you own the place, or we’ll slap you like a red-headed stepchild. If your group has any special needs, please let the host, server or manager assist you. Sure, sometimes we may have to decline a request, but that’s only because we know what’s best. Trust us. We’ve been running this bar for a long time. Our staff really is here to help, so just ask. Some of them might look a little scary, but they’re mostly pretty nice. Mostly.
#3 READ OUR MENU
We try to ensure our food and drink descriptions are as accurate as possible, and that all company policies are clearly explained on our menus. So read them carefully. If you have any questions, just ask your server. It’s all pretty simple. Please don’t make us mock you.
#4. SERVERS ARE PEOPLE TOO
There is never any excuse for people to be rude to one another, especially in our bar. Common courtesy goes a long way here. So, before attempting to get your server’s attention, just wait until they finish with the customer they’re currently helping. Do not whistle, clap, or bang your bottle on the table like an idiot. Likewise, never reach out and poke a server, pull their apron, or slap their ass. Displaying disrespectful or abusive behavior toward any member of our staff will get you thrown out immediately. So please don’t act like a jackass. That’s just good advice, whether you are at Legends or pretty much anywhere else on the planet.
#5. ALLERGY WARNING
We care about your safety. If you have food sensitivities or allergies serious enough to cause sickness or death, we suggest that you do NOT eat here. Legends cannot, does not, and will not guarantee the absence of any specific allergen from any of our menu items. The potential may also exist for cross-contamination with ingredients to which you may be allergic. This policy is designed to help ensure your health and well-being, so if you choose to ignore it, please be advised you do so at your own risk. It’s better to be safe than sorry – or dead!
#6. FOOD ORDERS & SERVICE TIMES
We strive to have food to your table within 20 minutes, but if we are very busy your order may take a little longer. Any “well-done” burgers will also increase the wait time. You see, a half-pound of fresh, raw sirloin actually has to cook.
#7. SPECIAL ORDERS & EXTRAS
Our ultimate goal is to give our customers exactly what they want. So if you want a bunch of “extra” stuff, or you want to make crazy alterations to an existing menu item, or if you want to order something that’s not even on the damn menu, we’ll do our best to help you out. And we’ll also charge you whatever the hell we want. So, if you have concerns about the cost of your “special request,” please ask your server about it BEFORE placing the order. Once the food is in your belly, it’s a little late for that conversation and we don’t want any crying when the bill comes. If you think we should give extras away, we’ll let you know when that magical delivery truck of free stuff shows up. We’ve still never seen it.
#8. CELL PHONES
You can be as rude to your friends as you’d like. But to receive table service, you need to get off your cell phone. If you don’t, then be prepared to be ignored. Texting, surfing, tweeting, taking pictures or posting when a server is trying to take your order may also result in bodily injury or death.
#9. EMPLOYEE ERRORS
We do our best to avoid mistakes, but they may still happen from time to time. After all, nobody’s perfect. So, if our kitchen or service staff ever goofs something up, just let us know as soon as possible. We’ll do everything we can to make things right. Just don’t wolf it all down before you let us know there’s a problem. We really appreciate the patience and understanding of our good customers in these situations.
#10. SERVICE ISSUES
Providing excellent service is our top priority, and we rely on our loyal fans to let us know if we have a weak link. So, if you’re ever unhappy with your service, please notify the manager immediately. We do everything we can to assure guest satisfaction, but we can’t solve a problem we don’t know about.
#11. UNHELPFUL CUSTOMER BEHAVIOR
If you experience an issue with service, “stiffing” your server and slithering away without letting us know there was a problem is not helpful. And neither is leaving a passive-aggressive note on your charge slip instead of a tip. But the most pointless move by far is posting an ignorant review on “I’m-a-shitty-little-whiner-dot-com,” because nobody cares what shitty little whiners think. Seriously. Nobody. So please refrain from engaging in any of this behavior. None of it is productive and it just makes you look like a wiener.
#12. RESPECT THE ORDER OF THINGS
I know that there isn’t usually a clearly formed line at the bar, but if you are old enough to drink, you are old enough to figure out how to not be a dick. If you see someone waving down the bartender, it’s maybe not the best move to elbow in next to them and wave harder in an attempt to be first. It will make everyone hate you very much. Including the bartender, by the way.
#13. WHILE WE’RE AT IT, KNOW THE ORDER OF YOUR THING
The time to decide what you are drinking is before the bartender asks for your order. Don’t hem and haw while people behind you are still mortifyingly sober. If you really don’t know what you want, wave the person behind you ahead while you consult the fucking stars.
#14. KEEP IT SIMPLE
O.K., so there may be exceptions. If the bar is pretty empty, and you know the bartender, and the place has a “mixology” vibe, then yes, go ahead and request your Blue Moon Over Sarasota in Summertime. In most situations, however, please restrain your order to either cocktails that are on the menu or the most basic ones possible.
#15. FLIRT WITH THE BARTENDER ON YOUR OWN DAMN TIME
I know, I know, they are usually attractive, often tattooed, and they give you liquor. I love them, too. However, if there is a line behind you, please reconsider the timing of your witty repartee. If the loathing of your fellow customers doesn’t dissuade you, consider that you are literally interrupting the flow of money into your new crush’s pocket. Not a turn-on.
#16. STOP FLAILING
A crowded room is no place for wild gesticulation. Unless you are in the middle of a seizure, please do your best to keep all your body parts (and belongings) within the one-foot range of your torso. Or be prepared to buy people drinks to replace the ones you spilled. Ladies, that includes your hair. If a piece of it gets into my glass, don’t be surprised if the contents of my glass end up in your hair.
#17. ACKNOWLEDGE THE EXISTENCE OF OTHERS
If you bump into someone, say excuse me. If you find yourself pressed against someone, smile and say hello. Don’t pretend like your fellow human beings don’t exist. It’s not the subway.
#18. NO MEANS NO
This isn’t a bar-specific rule, but really, if someone says no to something (a drink, a dance, a phone number exchange), just let it go. Don’t take advantage of the crowded space to get uncomfortably close to that person. Don’t follow them around and ruin their night. Don’t be a heinous human being.
#19. YES MEANS YES
If you offer to buy someone a drink, don’t come back with anything other than what they requested unless it’s either (a) a reasonable replacement for something genuinely unavailable or (b) their original order PLUS something else. Don’t decide what someone else is drinking. That’s a dick move.
#20. BE NICE TO THE BARTENDER
This is the most basic rule, but it bears repeating. Be nice to the person who is in charge of your good time tonight. Order politely, speak clearly, say thank you. Don’t shout “YO,” don’t snap your fingers, and don’t forget to tip. Even if they aren’t paying you the kind of attention you believe you deserve, cut them some slack. They are trying to get a lot of people their drinks. It’s a sacred job that requires a lot of multitasking, and every once in a while, you’re the casualty. It’s not personal. Wait patiently. Order quickly. Leave a nice tip. Repeat.
#21. REACHING BEHIND THE BAR
Even if you’ve known your bartender for 10 years and your kids are best friends at school and your wives meet for brunch every Sunday, you still shouldn’t be reaching behind the bar for anything—even if it’s only a napkin or a straw. Behind the bar is off limits to anyone but the bartender.
#22. HITTING ON THE BARTENDER
While it may have seemed like a good idea at the time, your efforts to canoodle with the bartender are pointless—and downright rude. It is disrespectful to them and their workplace, regardless of gender. If you ever have the temptation to do it again, just ask yourself: Would I want some stranger to come into my workplace and hit on me while I am trying to do my job?
#23. BREAKING A GLASS AND NOT TELLING ANYONE
Let’s get one thing straight: Glasses break all the freakin’ time in a bar. In fact, bartenders break glasses just as often (if not more so) than customers. While we all are guilty of breaking this rule, it’s crucial to remember to tell someone immediately after you break a glass. Someone, including yourself, could get cut and seriously injured—which is a quick way to ruin a good night.
#24. MAKING OUT AT THE BAR
We’ll be the first to admit that making out at a bar can seem like a good idea. You’re a bit tipsy, you don’t know if the opportunity will present itself outside the bar, it’s dimly lit, and you decide to go for it. What you probably don’t notice in your passionate fury of kisses is that the entire bar can see you, and secretly hates you for including them, however tangentially, in your heavy petting session. And don’t even think about having sex at the bar. Not only is it unsanitary, but that line of people waiting for you to wrap things up are about two minutes away from breaking the door down and dragging you out.
#25. TALKING ON YOUR CELL PHONE
A bar is never a quiet place. If you have a phone conversation there, it is almost guaranteed that you will have to shout into the phone for the person on the other end to hear you. Instead of torturing the bar with your piercing screams of “Whaaaat? I can’t hear you!” into the receiver, simply go outside where you can speak and hear clearly.
#26. HOGGING THE JUKEBOX
We know that you’re in town for one night only, you’re from New Jersey, and you love the Boss, but that is not reason enough to force everyone in the bar to listen to the complete discography of Bruce Springsteen in one go. A bar is a communal place, where people can go to relax, and everyone in the room gets a say on what plays on the jukebox. If you don’t respect the balance of sharing the bar with others, you’re likely going to get some words from other patrons, or the bartender is going to turn on their own music and make it so no one gets a say.
#27. USING UP ALL THE TP OR PAPER TOWELS IN THE BATHROOM AND NOT TELLING ANYONE
If you ever in your life have had a roommate or a live-in paramore, you know what a mistake it is to not replace the toilet paper. Sharing a bathroom with strangers at a bar is similar, and requires the same respect. All it takes to not be “that guy” is a quick comment to the bartender or any of the waitstaff to let them know that restrooms need to be restocked.
#28. STANDING AT THE CROWDED BAR AFTER YOU'VE ORDERED YOUR DRINK
It is not necessary to stand at the bar and block others from communicating with the bartender after you have ordered and received your drink(s). Step away so that everyone has an opportunity to order, and the bartender can get a drink to everyone that needs one.
#29. NOT RECIPROCATING A ROUND BOUGHT FOR YOU
Unless you’re in dire circumstances (in which the last thing you should be doing is spending money that isn’t yours drinking at a bar), it is always best to reciprocate a gifted drink by buying the next round. If you break this rule more than once, chances are that you won’t have too many people buying you drinks—or friends that will even want to drink with you.
#30. BEING INDECISIVE ABOUT YOUR ORDER
When you’re at a bar that has a mile-long cocktail menu with a thousand delectable options to choose from, it can be difficult to decide on what to drink. But that does not excuse you from making up your mind and ordering a drink. Not only are you holding up the bartender with your indecisiveness, but literally everyone in the bar that hasn’t had their order taken is also waiting for you to make a final choice. You’re ordering a cocktail, not facing Sophie’s choice.
#31. WEARING INAPPROPRIATE ATTIRE (AND FOOTWEAR)
Dude, are your toenails longer than my girlfriend’s acrylic fingernails? Are you not wearing shoes because those razor blades on your toes cut through all your shoes and socks? Whatever the case, go get yourself a mani-pedi and put on a pair of loafers. Not only is it unseemly, but your lack of proper shoes is also a danger to yourself. You know that guy that broke a glass in here 10 minutes ago? Well, it's dark in here and they accidentally missed that big chunk of a beer bottle that’s about to embed itself into your foot. There’s a reason those “no shirt, no shoes, no service” signs exist, and it’s not just because we don’t enjoy seeing your dad bod in a midriff tee.
#32. TIPPING YOUR BARTENDER LESS THAN YOU SHOULD, OR NOT TIPPING AT ALL
Math is difficult enough when you’re sober, but trying to figure out percentages after a few rounds can be a downright nightmare. We’ve all committed this atrocity against the serving community, and it wasn’t because we’re assholes or trying to screw someone out of an honest living. It was a mistake, and to make amends for it, we will never, ever, ever under-tip a bartender again. If you continue to commit this grievous offense, you’ll most likely be banned from every bar in town. Bartenders talk, and they will have your name memorized after you stiff them for the third time on a $200 bar tab.
#33. CONTAIN YOURSELF
I see you with your handbag and your yoga mat and your backpack and your shopping bags. Do you know why I see you? Because you, and your shit, are EVERYWHERE. Kindly contain yourself and all of your possessions to a single bar stool. By the way, if you tell me that you are “saving seats” for someone, I’ll know you are lying because assholes like you don’t have friends.